El mobbing

Tips For Your First Queer Date

Meeting in a public place is basic dating safety advice for everyone – regardless of gender or sexuality – but the practice may be especially important for LGBTQ+ folks. Unfortunately, being in a crowd doesn’t always equal safety when you’re in a marginalized group. So, instead of simply aiming for “public,” look for spaces you’re already familiar with. You want establishments that you know are LGBTQ+-friendly, so employees and other patrons will have your back if something goes sideways.

• Look for businesses that have used “LGBTQ-friendly” and/or “Transgender Safe Space” in their Google business listings.
• Keep an eye out around town for spots that fly the rainbow flag or its counterparts.
• Look up LGBTQ+-owned businesses in your area.
• Pay attention to which venues host Pride events.
• Ask your friends or ask for suggestions on social media.

Tell Someone Where You’re Going Who You’re With

Having a “safe call” is another safety standard when it comes to dating, especially in the kink community (and it’s a good practice for everyone). “Safe call” is a term for a trusted person who knows where you’re going, who you’re with, and when you plan to check in (even if you’re texting them rather than actually calling). Then, don’t forget to follow up! Set a phone alarm so your safe call isn’t panicking when they haven’t heard from you. You should also tell your date that someone knows what you’re up to.

Consider A Group Date

Group hangouts aren’t just for children! A group date can be a great way to ensure extra safety and spread the burden of making small talk among more people. Being in a group not only provides more safety from your date, but it can also provide extra safety from bystanders or the general public if you live in a less LGBTQ+-friendly area. I’ve absolutely brought a friend along on dates before; even one extra person can change the dynamic. If you plan on bringing someone, it can be nice to give your date a heads up, too, so they aren’t caught off-guard.

Keep Your Phone Handy

Make sure your phone is charged (and/or have a backup power supply with you). A phone can help with any number of sticky situations, including calling a ride to get you home or calling for help if you need it. You can also share your location with a trusted friend or two, just in case.

Think About Your ‘Dating Resume’

LGBTQ+ communities are often tight-knit, which can be a good thing, but it also means information travels quickly (and you’re likely to see your exes everywhere). So there’s even more incentive to treat people well and end relationships with compassion – and that means no ghosting! “Keep in mind what your ‘dating resume’ might look like,” White says. “What are people going to say about you? Are they going to say, oh, this person flaked on me, or this person was rude, or this person was sexually amazing?”

Heteronormative Scripts Are A Thing Of The Past

In mainstream, heteronormative relationships, there are a lot of expectations – many of them unspoken (and many of them toxic). If you’ve done some dating before coming out, you may be used to playing a certain role in terms of who makes the first move, who asks who out, or who opens the door or pays for meals. It’s understandable because these expectations are everywhere. From movies to dog lover dating app reality TV to dating advice on TikTok, “rules” about how dating works are impossible to avoid.